discipled living

As a parent, rearing children brings a unique set of joys and special sets of challenges. We enjoy our children and like most parents we want them to grow up and become successful. Determining what the word, “Success” will mean for each child is in large part out of our hands. At best we can lead, teach, cajole, prod and direct them in ways we believe and or know to be the most productive.

How will our children make their living? Most parents have no clue; any more than our parents knew about us. So it is clear, you can't determine their success based upon a career choice. I have often said in my parenting workshops; “I will be a success as a parent when I can look at my Daughter and Son and say, I respect you”

I have discovered that one of my greatest challenges as a parent is to moderate my response to my children’s less than stellar behavior. I have tried, some time successfully, to speak with an even tone even when I am agitated. I do this so that I can keep the conversation between us going. I have found that when I elevate, they elevate right along with me; the only difference is that they eventually get quiet.

If we haven’t resolved the challenge together by the time they go silent, then I know I have made an error in parenting. My goal is to get them talking and to keep them talking to me about the issues they are facing. One-sided conversations don’t work, because they assume the form of order-giving. What we have always done with our children is to try and get them to think before they act. Think about the consequences of your words and your actions.

When I was a young man, my mother said to me and my twin brother, “I don’t want any girl’s mother coming to my back door, saying, ‘Your son got my daughter pregnant’”. She would add, “Because if she does, everything that goes to you now, will go to the baby!” She went on to draw graphic illustrations with her words, such as, “I’ll cut your water off!” and “I’ll break your plate!” all which further solidified my resolve not to do the things she warned against.

You may read these words and say to yourself, “She was harsh!” As a young man I never thought of these words as anything other than a wise warning from a loving mother who was living sacrificially everyday for her three children. I believed her because everything she said she would do for us, she did even with limited means; oftentimes by denying herself.

Some years later after I had married and we had two children, I was driving to my home with a young man I had mentored for nearly 6 years in the vehicle with me. During the drive, while reminiscing about his late grandmother, he said, “Man I wish I had listened to my grandmother when she said,______________.”

I thought for a moment about what he had just said as I drove and I looked over at him and said, “I did listen to my mother!’ At that moment I realized the incalculable value in listening and doing what those who love you most suggest for your benefit.

Today as a parent, mentor and consultant, I try to help others by communicating the truth that I learned from my mother, and later articulated as a result of that drive time conversation. Think before you act, because you actions have long-term repercussions and will set in motion a chain of events that you will not be able to stop or direct.

I don’t presume to instruct anyone who is not interested in the information I provide about how to parent or make good decisions. I only want to offer ideas about how to communicate with your children to achieve your goals with them as a parent or as a business owner with your employees or a pastor with church staff and congregation.

Three ideas for your consideration:

We must be creative about keeping people talking during points of conflict and discord.

We must carefully listen to those who love us most and at least consider the things they suggest for our benefit.

We must consider the consequences of our words and actions upon our future and the future of those around us.

We must do these three things, because at some point in your life you will say one of these two things, “I am Glad I Did” or “I wish I had”.